Parshas Ki Sisa: Lessons from the Golden Calf and Our Quest for Spiritual Growth

such a demoralizing, depressing debacle that, at the very foot of the same mountain that, a short while ago, we witnessed prophecy we received the Torah that there, in that very same place, thousands of Jewish people engaged in the crime of all crimes, in Avodazara, serving a golden calf subscribing some godly characteristics to an object, a chet unlike any other. Chet Ha-Egel is timeless, chet Ha-Egel is incomprehensible and Chet Ha-Egel, the sin of the golden calf, so severe that Chazal tell us, in order for a full rectification, a full kapara to be had, the sin must be sliced and diced and divvied up to be, person by person, small suffering throughout the generations that this Chet Ha-Egel should be sprinkled upon, so that full kapara can be had, so that every single tzara that we go through today, you should see a couple struggling with infertility, which should never be known of. There's a piece of Chet Ha-Egel, that's a part of it, and someone is suffering, unable to find their perspective, match their shiduch, and they can't understand why. Well, there's a piece of a kapara, of an atonement, of that original sin, of the Chet Ha-Egel that is to blame, to point fingers at. We are obligated, it would seem, to peel the story apart, piece by piece, to try to understand. How is it that the dark day of the all seeing enlightened generation was able to so precipitously and rapidly descend into such a sin? And there's a sofarno that gives us some insight, changes the game a bit, but it's eye-opening, it's powerful and we will, god willing, be able to have a different approach to some modern-day suffering and help us flip the script on some of, or at least one of, life's great challenges. And we begin with the actual pussik itself. And it was when Moses was getting close to the camp by Yar Esau-Egel and he saw that calf and the dancing, and Moshe became enraged and he spiked from his hands the tablets Osam Tachasahar, and he smashed them at the foot of the mountain. The sofarno points out that the reason for the spiking of the Luchos pardon the plosives is for not only the Avodazaradan, but Moshe became so aroused with anger, shirah. For Moshe saw, says the sofarno, shaihayusimachim bekilkel Shaihassu. He saw that they were celebrating in their damage, setting a pussik in Yermia, that you're delighting in the performance of your evil deeds, that he saw the mecholos the key word here the dancing, the flute playing, the moonwalking and hokey-pokying around that golden calf, that you should celebrate the sin. No, no, no. That will not be tolerated. And this led Moshe to thinking that if they were to be impossible to straighten the bend, but even if they were to do any chuvah and repentance, or if they're happy and they don't have a sense of guilt, then what hope is there? Ladies and gentlemen? Rabirah points out that the straw that broke the camel's back, the nail in the coffin for the Jewish people and the Chaita'el, was the simcha that they displayed in their destruction. Shoroosh you, semachim, bekelkel sh'assu, smash the tablets. It can be inferred that even if idolatry was to be performed, that the cheating on the spouse at the very foot of the mountain, god forbid happened, but if it wasn't done, rejoicing and dancing like simchastora, well then, maybe we could have escaped unscathed, perhaps with that same holy set of tablets. The sense of guilt, the sense of pain and distress that the Jewish people would have felt, a sense of sadness that they had been seduced into committing such a sin, that pain and guilt may have saved them. And Bazma'a haZeh, the topic of guilt, the talkpip of that emotional discomfort that one will feel when he's messed up. It's a very pressing matter, for in Gullis we are prone to some mess-ups, and no one underneath God's beautiful blue sky is free from challenges, and everyone does sin, but the guilt afterwards can feel even worse, the unhappiness, the feeling of I'm good for nothing, a low self-worth. It can be draining. We can want to get rid of the guilt. However, the flipping of the script here is that it would seem that if one does feel ashamed of their sin, a bit discomforted, uncomfortable, by sleeping in, by accidentally flipping on a light switch on Shabbos, well, you have hope, you have free will and you have a chance to improve. The guilt should ring in your ears as hope. For if one should become numb, desensitized God forbid to be Sommeach, bekelkel, she'asu, to moonwalk and celebrate as you violate prohibitions. You are hopeless and you will and cannot improve. The guilt should be changed in our eyes and it should be channeled. There's a horrible sickness in the world. You should know. In 2019, they did some studies, they ran some tests. They figured out just how many people suffer from CIPA Cognitive Congenital Insensitivity. It is a sickness in which a person cannot feel pain. One in 125 million people suffer from this, so it isn't very common. It is, in fact, extremely rare. But a person with CIPA could put their hand inside of a fire and they would just keep it there, not feeling any pain. Their nerves are numb, they feel nothing inside the senses. Don't send the message of pain to the brain to then act by saving yourself. A person suffering from CIPA may put his hand out on the stove, sitting inside of ice, freezing, cold, frigid, frostbite, causing water, and yet he will do nothing because he doesn't feel any pain. And Baruch Hashem, that one should say for the feeling of pain, and here we're stretching the idea for even thank God, for the feeling of a bit of guilt, I can't believe I just sent Lush and Harrah. I can't believe I just slipped up. Again. That's a good thing, for if Moshe Rabbeinu would come down the mountain and see us accidentally flipping on a light switch on Shabbos, accidentally sleeping in, we missed our alarm clock and we go oh, he's Shrek. Look, I can't believe I did that. I don't think he would slam down the tablets. There'd be some harsh rebuke, but we'd have a shot, we'd have a chance. So what is the right approach? How does one welcome or at least accept the guilt, feel thankful that he can feel when something is off or wrong, and then how does he go about acting and turning over a new leaf. Well, we are pulled away by the best place to get the information, from Akkadash Baruch in the Torah, by one of the worst sins, by the brotherly murder, cayenne killing Hevel, and some jealousy was there. Surely you're aware of the story when Hashem called out to the murderous brother and said Ieka, where are you? Hashem asked two separate questions. He said to Kain why are you upset? And l'ma naflu panachah? And why has your countenance fallen? Why are you sad? Do not be demoralized and depressed about the sin. Yes, you have messed up, but how, lo imteitav sase, you can surely improve. Ve imlav nafna lapeh sachat azrovates. If you continue to be wallowing in self-pity and depressed about your actions, feeling guilty and struggling from the worry and unhappiness that is setting in, from the emotional discomfort of the guilt of the sin, well then, yes, sin crouches at the opening, but that's not the approach. The approach is to understand and accept the guilt and then to channel it towards a mental state of halo imteitav sase. I can choose, with my behira, to take the next step, to then set two alarms tomorrow morning and to buy the Shabbos switch cover. That would be the right approach to flipping on the light on Shabbos. God forbid To take the nerves, the senses that you feel, the guilt and the doubt and the pain, the congenital sensitivity that you can feel. It halo imteitav sase, and choose to do better in the future. The idea of guilt we can even stretch it a bit further and try to flip the script on this and prove why it's actually a good thing, if one does still feel an itch inside of him, that I'm better than that. It'd be. A surulantar said. If a person wants to know where he's holding in life, how close he is to God, which rung of the latter he is on a spiritual journey. Well, you cannot sense that based on how happy and excited you are about doing imteitav, but specifically by the pain that you feel when God's will is not taken care of. That is the mirror to your spiritual progression. The guilt, the feeling down of oh, I messed up, that's wonderful. And then the next choice is I on to the next. I got this. Halo imteitav sase. I can choose to do better in the future. The egil azav, it taught us that I guess sins do happen. Now it's our job to never succumb and never give in. But if, god forbid, there's a slip up a word of lush and hard that escapes your lips. It's a oi shrekluch. But come on, I'm better than that, I got this. I am not going to wallow in self-doubt and self-pity, but thank you, hashem, for letting me feel a bit guilty about the kilkel sh'assu and that I'm not. God forbid, like the Saffarno says, samichin be kilkel sh'assu celebrating and the damage that I caused that led Moshe Rabbein into spiking the tablets. Choose to do better. After you do feel the guilt and discomfort, remember that the pain is a blessing, is a brahah. Or just imagine if you were totally numb to somebody God forbid slapping your mother. Could you stand by the wayside just letting it go? But of course you would be aroused and upset about the kilkel sh'assu. And when one feels that same or similar or perhaps even the slightest bit of guilt, some emotional discomfort in a sin, let that kajol coax and galvanize oneself towards doing better in the future.