Parshas Vayeishev: Mrs. Potifar’s Scandal & Tamar’s Triumph

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The road to purgatory is paved with pure, pristine motives and intentions.

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So how does one know if he's truly on the high road to utopia, cruising 65 on the parkway towards Gan, eden and paradise?

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Or is he acting with good intentions but he is on the Autobahn, on the high road into the Be'er Shachas, the well of destruction?

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But, heaven forbid, he doesn't even know it until he's arrived.

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To answer this, to get down to the crux of how to define our intentions and our actual bringing them forth, to their manifestation and completion, and to are juxtaposed in our parasha, parashas, vayeshev, two stories that seem to be disparate, totally separate, yet weirdly have many parallels similarities much overlap, parallels, similarities, much overlap.

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But then, when you dig even deeper into the subterranean text, you'll find that these two juxtaposed stories could not be more different.

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You know the story Joseph receives a technicolor dream coat.

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Brothers get jealous, throw him into a pit of vipers, snakes and scorpions.

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He's sold multiple times Down into the hands of Poitivar, the Egyptian official.

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And no matter how many times Joseph is literally thrown to the wolves, he continues to rise up from the pits of snakes and scorpions, the pits of a prison, the pits of wild bears and immoral-seeking humans to the very, very top, as he is the man that is deemed successful, the Ish-Matzliach.

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He is Yosef Atzadik, and one of the most telling and defining moments in Yosef's life is a story with Ashes Potiphar, his master's wife, that constantly makes advances to try to lure him into an inappropriate relationship, to which Yosef says he refuses.

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He says no, and an enduring no that will not be questioned.

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That will not be questioned and he is a hero for all time.

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And that no echoes till this very day and right before this.

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The episode that immediately precedes Yosef Hatzadik's great denial of Asha's Potiphar's advances is a story of how Tamar engaged in some controversial approaches to find her way into the house of Jacob, the base Yaakov.

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All she wanted was to spawn offspring and be a part of the holy Israelite cult or fraternity, for a better word, and to no avail.

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Every single shidduch that she was read.

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Every single person she married would not get off his smartphone, would watch inappropriate entertainment and then engage in some sinful behavior.

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So God plucked him from this earth.

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Her two husbands, judah, yehudah's sons.

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They both were taken by God for poor decision-making and now Tamar is left alone.

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She's got nothing else except Yehudah says I do have one more son and eventually we'll read him to you, you and you'll have a shidduch and all will be well.

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She finds it to be not a very exciting opportunity.

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That resume doesn't exactly go to the top of the stack, so she takes matters into her own hands.

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When Tamar, as the Pasek says, went forward, took off her widow's garb, covered her face with a veil, wrapped herself up, sat down at the entrance to a naim which is on the road to Timna, for she saw that Shayla was grown up.

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That's the last boy, the red shidduch that she really wasn't very interested in, and she sat there pretending to be a zona, a harlot, somebody selling her services.

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And through some divine intervention, tamar's wish had been granted and she was able to spawn children from the base Yaakov.

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She was actually able to be a part of the bloodline and breed Mashiach.

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Through this relationship and these two very similar stories Yosef and Eshes Potiphar and Tamar and Yehudah they are placed next to each other in the Torah scroll.

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And Eshes Potiphar and Tamar and Yehudah they are placed next to each other in the Torah scroll, not by coincidence, but immediately next to each other.

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Their juxtaposition says Rashi Kedai L'smokh, maisa Ishto Shel Potiphar, l'maisa, tamar, lomar loch.

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These two stories are next to each other.

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To tell you, ma zu l'shem shomayim, af zu l'shem shomayim, just like this one acted purely virtuously for the sake of heaven.

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Also this one acted for the sake of heaven, would you believe it?

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Chazal revealed to us that both meant well.

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Both wished to cruise down the highway to Gan Eden.

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Acting for the sake of heaven, intentions were pure.

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For the sake of heaven, intentions were pure.

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Now, tamar's motives are very clear.

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We understand why.

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She would want to hang out with the Shiftei Ka, find a good shidduch and be a part of the eternal Jewish people and sing kumbaya, serving Hashem and bringing satisfaction to the Almighty all the days of her life.

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But what pure motives of shame, shemayim, can be said about Asha's potiphar Says Rashi.

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I'll explain to you.

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She re'osah pe'etstralajin shelah she'asidin l'ha'amod bonim mimena.

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She saw through her stargazers, fortune tellers and astrologists that she was destined to unite families and to have spawn offspring from Joseph.

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But she did not know whether it was to be through herself to cohabit Ashes, potiphar and Joseph, or maybe Mibita, or maybe from her daughter.

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Now, spoiler alert she made the wrong call.

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She bet the house, bet the farm and made a horrible decision because, while it was close but no cigar, she missed the house, bet the farm and made a horrible decision because, while it was close but no cigar, she missed it.

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By that much she is nowhere near the same legacy and has not even the slightest bit of resemblance in her actions to the sacred and hallowed Tamar.

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Yet Rav Eliyahu Lapyan wants to know why.

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He wants to know why, if Chazal tell us that they both acted purely, they both acted l'shem, shomayim.

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That was the only only difference that we may have thought that one made a poor decision and one made a good decision was someone was acting from their own whims and not from heaven.

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That has now been stomped out because we see both acted altruistically, with good intentions, for the sake of the Almighty.

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So why is it, if they both were the shame, shemaim, that one is called cursed by a chazal?

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One is looked to with such disdain, such utter disgust, while the other one is glorified, tamar is lauded, Tamar is applauded, tamar is even zocheth to be a part of the bloodline of the Heiligah Moshiach.

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May it come speedily.

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In our days, one of these women is crowned and adorned through Jewish history as a champion of the Almighty and the other is looked at with such wretched disdain and disgust.

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Why, if they both acted thoughtfully, virtuously, morally and for the sake of heaven?

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Morally and for the sake of heaven, the great Talmud of the Altar of Kelm, the graduate from the Kelm Talmud Torah as well, the holy rebel Eliyahu Lapyan, one of the major characters and founders, truly, of the Mussar movement, he explains to us the solution and it is hopefully words that you're familiar with.

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The end of all deeds was always in the original plan.

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It was there and part of your knowledge and part of your intentions at the beginning.

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This quote, hopefully you're familiar with, Find it in verse 2 of L'Chadodi, of Rav Shlomo Al-Kabitz's great hymn that we sing on Friday night.

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Truly, there probably are more biblical sources that we can quote here, because Rav Shlomo Al-Kabitz Z'Chayim Levracha is probably are more biblical sources that we can quote here, because Reb Shlomo Al-Kabitz is probably drawing from Pesukim and Shir Ashirim.

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But the Asadu El Yehova Lapyan tells us, is that while you do have good intentions, you do start out for the sake of heaven.

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Her motives let's talk Asha's Potiphar here before we get down and dirty and personal.

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The astrological calculations were there.

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She really also wanted to spawn offspring from Joseph, as the astrologists had predicted.

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She wanted to be the wife of Yosef.

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Maybe Beget children, grandchildren wanted to be the wife of Yosef, maybe Beget children, grandchildren.

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That would bring her also into the fold of Yaakov Avinu.

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But the prophecy, or the astrologists, they said that it's going to be whether from you or your daughter.

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But then, with that bit of ambiguity, rav Lopian points out that what started as something that could have been good, she engages in all of these odd practices goes about some really devious and cruel behavior because once started as pure, ultimately she had gone awry.

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She had gone confused and the physical nature and the desire, the handsomeness of Yosef led her to unorthodox ways.

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The passion and the taiva that she just wanted to be with him, the appeal of Joseph, his looks, his personality, it led her to say no, no, no, it's really me, it's not my daughter.

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She overstepped, she put herself into the picture in a way that she really wandered into unorthodox, abnormal places and what started as L'shem Shemayim, which really even she believed, continued L'shem Shemayim.

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She was mistaken and instead of understanding the mistake, which clearly came about as she kept getting a no from him, she didn't take no for an answer.

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But all she did was whine and cry and cheat and engage in more immoral practices, do more slightly disgusting things, perverse, cruel, and then finally, when she got her big fat no to her face, on her big moment, all she did was lie about it and say Yosef had attacked me and thrown him down into the prison.

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Everyone even knew she was lying.

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The commentators say but all of it was paved with good intentions.

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But, says Rav Leopian, if you find yourself in uncharted, cruel, pathetic, perverse, unethical actions and you think that you're acting, for the sake of heaven, you must guess again, you must re-hejben, recalculate.

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She should have seen that.

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Hey, maybe the question is it me or my daughter.

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Maybe it actually is my daughter.

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Maybe I'm not supposed to be bedabra, a love, yum, yum.

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Maybe I am not supposed to lie and cheat and steal and engage with such passion, licentiousness and perverse ways to try to bring about God's will.

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She should have taken a step back and said wait a second, am I supposed to be doing this?

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And she didn't.

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And so she's disgraced because she doubled down on what she believed to be Lashem Shomayim.

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But really was all her passion, her drives, her lust that sent her into some really, really terrible places, some brutal miscalculations in her strivings.

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You see she engaged in chakranas.

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Deceit, lying, that's not.

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That is not the way to go about accomplishing l'shem shomayim Tamar.

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Let us examine what she did.

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She was probably the most modest tznias zona ever.

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We say that with quotes around it.

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She was double covered.

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If you see the psukim, no one recognized her.

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We see that she went about things in a way that Yehuda didn't even recognize her, because she was so tznias that her father-in-law didn't even know what she looked like.

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The Zohar tells us that actually, when the Maisa actually was to be, that angels would come and the administers of lust to help push Yehudah because this is something that need to happen to proliferate Mashiach and have eventually the Messiah be born through this relationship.

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We find that Tamar sat in the spot of Avram Avinu's tent.

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We have a that Tamar was one big permitted action, kedesha, the act of harlotry.

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It's not even prohibited before the Torah per se, but the Rambam proves that this whole action was actually a misa, kedush, an act of betrothal halachically.

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That was the ring.

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The Rambam shows how there was a kesubah and that's the different payment the court and the staff and everything was to be tzotka mimeni.

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When finally there's a chance to rat someone out, tamar says nothing.

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And we learn halachos from her that you're not allowed to embarrass people and it's better to fall into a fiery furnace than to embarrass someone.

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And Yehuda then goes and says tzadka mimeni, I have done wrong.

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You're more righteous than me.

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Don't you see that what starts with pure righteous intentions, l'shem shamayim?

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Don't you see that what starts with pure righteous intentions?

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If you do not check your motives, check your actions, double check and filter and drill down, why am I doing this?

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Where is this leading me?

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And maybe you've made a grave error and maybe you're acting more like Asha's Potiphar or more like Tamar, and hopefully it's the second one You're acting purely holy.

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It's a very, very subtle point here.

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But what is the shame, shomayim, must be that the actions represent that all the way through, and the pushing and the trying and a bit of akshonos should never lead you into an area of sin and of wrongdoings, otherwise you end up cursed like Ashes Potiphar.

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There are two clear takeaways, maybe even three, but it really is all one.

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If you are engaged in an endeavor, you are pursuing and chasing down something, building something, creating something.

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You wish to create something, and you find yourself then all of a sudden doubling down on your efforts, but you find yourself in foul territory, out of bounds, engaging in foul play, but then, instead of taking a step back, shaking yourself awake, calming yourself down and reorganizing, instead of that you just keep on moving forward.

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That's more like Asha's Potiphar.

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That's the aside what you do, where you get, what you accomplish.

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It all reveals what your true intentions were and continue to be.

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It reveals something very deep and therefore one should shake himself awake if he finds himself in questionable territory.

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A takeaway.

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A second takeaway if you want to build a strong, powerful edifice of something that's truly in God's name and is L'shem Shemaim all the way through, and maybe even bears the fruit of Mashiach, you must sift, filter, clarify with crystal clear beriros that you are truly acting for the sake of heaven.

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You must be sure that it is not a mistake, that it's supposed to be your daughter, supposed to be someone else, supposed to be a different organization, a different product, and it's not supposed to be me doubling down and doing this with a sense of drive and a sense of questionable actions.

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This topic is near and dear to my heart Because, in trying to really build this whole platform and motivation congregation.

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I often ask myself am I acting properly?

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Because I initially thought to launch this entire platform.

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I remember sitting on the floor thinking about it.

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I asked my wife should I do it?

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I wanted to start a podcast because I believe that if I gave myself the obligation to talk Torah, learn Torah, teach Torah, I would have to study Torah because my honor would be on the line.

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Maybe even a Parnassah would be on the line and that would require higher end Torah.

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I thought that that would be Lashem Shomayim.

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It was something good, but there was also a fair amount to be lost.

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I was only one year into Colel.

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Should I launch this?

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It's a bit scary to bring smartphones, technology, microphones and cameras into one's life, especially at such a young age with such addictive capabilities that these technologies have.

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I had no idea if it was right.

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Should I even be using social media, podcasting and WhatsApp whatever that is email to spread Torah?

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I asked Rabbi Stein about it.

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I couldn't get clarity.

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He eventually told me to go speak to Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky about it.

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I got a hold of him on November 10th, about four years ago.

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He told me if you think it will help people.

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After I described what I had wanted to do, who I was and where I currently was holding in life, he said if you think it will help people, then you should do it.

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I took that back to Rabbi Stein.

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Rabbi Stein and I discussed how to go about it properly Is it right, and how to do it and to clarify how Shmuel would want me to do it, before some people told me oh, rav Shmuel's too old, he doesn't know about technology.

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And Rav Nussenstein shouted all of them down and said of course, rav Shmuel knows, you can take his word.

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It's good as gold word, it's good as gold.

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So that's what I continue to do and I decided we'll do podcast, but I'm not going to have Wi-Fi on my phone.

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No data, it'll be filtered.

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Different guitar, but the intentions were all what I thought would be L'shem Shemaim.

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And it continues to unfold before my eyes the Sov Maisa.

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It reveals Machshavet Chila.

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It continues to be Machshavet Chila, being more and more revealed.

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The more good aspects of it times that I have to ask myself is this what my true intentions are and what Rav Shmuel wanted?

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Should it be on TikTok and Instagram?

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Maybe that's not what Rav Shmuel wanted.

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Maybe it is.

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You have to be able to clarify to yourself if you're in uncharted and unquestionable and questionably wrong territory, acting too far one way, too far the other way, and I'm not sure.

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But sifting, trying to understand, not going too far into any sort of foul ground and acting like Tamar that's what's at stake.

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It's a powerful vark that you may think you're acting Lashem Shemayim and you may as well practically be acting Lashem Shemayim, for the sake of heaven.

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But if that leads you to funky places, it's probably supposed to be your daughter that spawns children from Yosef, and not you.

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If it requires such lying and devious behavior, be like Tamar.

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Check to make sure that things are done justly or in a way that are clearly divine, modest, truthful.

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That's how you really tell that you're acting L'shem Shemaim and you end up really cruising down the highway towards utopia, towards paradise and your eventual attainment of that goal.

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The Sov Ma'aseh will reveal your machshava t'chila.

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Your end goal will always show your true purpose and your true intentions.

Parshas Vayeishev: Mrs. Potifar’s Scandal & Tamar’s Triumph

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